That’s right, I said it. I blame women’s liberation for the decline of western civilization.
Don’t believe me?!? Think about what was happening before women’s lib began: women were cooking home-made meals that brought a family together and made them eat actual food, like meat and vegetables and stuff like that. All of a sudden, we give the ability to begin working and immediately the home cooked meals stopped, leaving a generation of males who had no idea how to cook dinner to try to create something out of nothing with no knowledge of what to do other than barbecue and make pasta. It left us males with the desire of having someone else cook for us, or at least give an option of how to make really easy meals. Enter take-out and microwave dinners, both loaded with fat, sodium, and all sorts of other crap that we convinced ourselves was better than the alternative: actually cooking a meal that didn’t suck. Try to get the wives back into the kitchen, or at least throw a little extra in the pot for us once in a while, and they get all bent out of shape thinking we are trying to push them back into the dark ages of social equality. What happened next is males started trying to make dinner for the kids, like pizza, chicken fingers, and stuff like that. Big difference in how the nation began eating right around the late 1970’s and early 1980’s. Coincidence? I think not.
Now granted the ideals of women’s liberation are definitely justified, and women should be able to work and make as much as men, that goes without question. But a sudden shift like that with absolutely no warning made a generation of men who had existed for the past few millenia with the women cooking the meals and arranging all that home cooked sit-down greatness have to forage dinner for themselves, and look for the easiest option available that wouldn’t make them look like a tool. The meteor wiped out the dinosaurs because they couldn’t handle change all that well, and neither could they. Remember the episode of “That 70’s Show” where Red had to cook dinner, and almost burned down the house?? The foreign kids had to save his ass!!
They taught it to their kids (us), and their kids got fat as a result. Those kids (my generation) grew up not knowing how to make a lasagna and are passing on the lazy food habits to our kids. Now we’re trying to figure out what made our kids fat and what we have to do to fix it. Put gym class back in school? Yep. Change the foods in the lunch room cafeteria? Definitely, but it has to go further. Change the way we eat dinner? Ding, Ding Ding!!! We have a winner!!!!!
I grew up in a family where we had dinner every evening. Together. And it was cooked on a stove or in an oven. And we all sang songs and danced around the campfire while father strummed the mandolin. Wait, no, that wasn’t us. Us think that was the start of “Lord of the Flies.” But we did have dinner together and it was cooked from ingredients that sounded like food. Things like “tomatoes,” and “carrots” grown in our backyard garden have been replaced by things like “sloppy joe’s” and “nuggets.” What part of what animal is the “joe”come from?? And where the hell is the “nugget” part of the chicken!!?!
My brothers and I all worked at one time or another in a kitchen, and we learned how to do some insanely complex things, like cutting vegetables, heating an oven, and actually making food from other food. I think everyone should spend some time in a kitchen, and not their own. They should learn how to dice, bake, broil, marinate, tenderize, layer, simmer, reduce and souffle the hell out of a meal so that they can actually make a dinner once in a while. This goes for women as well, as they seem to have forgotten how to get down with the oven as of late.
So I call on every man out there (and woman) to action. Put on that “Low Carb Diet” apron with the arrow pointing down, break out some Betty Crocker cook books, start prepping and measuring some shit to toss into a pot and heat for a few hours, simmer it and make a damn meal once in a while!!! The ladies aren’t getting back to making dinner any time soon, so we have to get in there and make it ourselves. On top of that, you have more control over what you put in your maw and how much fat, sodium, sugar, and other crap you eat daily versus always getting fast food. Did you know there is a town in the south where the kids don’t know how to use a knife and fork!?! Let’s get our kids back, let’s get healthy, and let’s dice some tomatoes for a nice salad.
Oh, and if Lindsay is reading this, I love you. Please don’t make me sleep in the yard. I get cold and scared out there.
And if Karissa is reading this, I am kidding. Please don’t beat me up with your new freaky strength and strong pointy views.