You can’t help but giggle a little bit when hearing the word itself. You envision someone eltting out a cheek rattler loudly and proud, or a time when you busted out a butt bomb in an inopportune time (in front of a date, family, church, swearing in ceremony, etc). We do it without thinking. Some of us will tell others “Oh, I don’t fart,” When we all know they are probably the ones that have the loudest ones around. Is a fart something to be ashamed of, or embraced? Is it as dirty as everyone thinks it is, or is it more natural than we would believe? Let’s find out, shall we?
Normal bowel function requires the passing of gas, as it relieves the body of released gases during the digestive process. The gases are primarily nitrogen, hydrogen, carbon dioxide, and methane. Although methane has some smell to it, the biggest smell-producing chemical found in ass-binaca is sulfur containing compounds. These primarily come from dairy products, meats, and some vegetables (apparently brussel sprouts do it to some, where broccoli does it to others). Low Density Carbohydrates (LDCs), mainly fiber, starches and sugar alcohols have a high percentage of sulphide compounds and can cause uncomfortable bass (Grabitske & Slavin, 2009). Those who are lactose intolerant know all too well the trouble with busting loose after eating dairy, and many supplements and processed foods have high levels of sugar alcohols to reduce the caloric impact of those foods or the increase of blood sugar.
Dropping air biscuits is an important part of our health. Following abdominal or colon surgery, nurses are supposed to look for the onset of farting as a sign of recovery. It helps propel fecal matter through the colon and gives the same effect as venting in our plumbing of “air behind water.” Try to empty a gallon jug of milk by tipping it straight up vertically. The milk chugs out slowly and with a great amount of force behind it. Imagine if we didn’t blow a dirty kiss and this was how we had to get rid of poo? We’d rip our asses apart, man!! Pants surprises are a compressible and expandable gas, which allows fecal matter to flow through the colon more easily, and can help with colon motility to absorb fluids into the lumen. It is also a sign of good core strength, as compression of the abdominal cavity through the entire core (stomach, pelvic floor, diaphragm, and posterior wall) causes the increase in pressure that forces air through the sphincter. Just think, every time you crop dust you are actually working out your abs!!
So let’s say you have a problem with gas and all your friends are staying up wind of you at all times. Dietary changes may be required to reduce the level of stank you are producing. The easiest ones are sugar, dairy, and red meat, as they are usually difficult to digest, and the undigested materials produce more gas by-products than digested products. Next, eat some additional brightly colored vegetables, except for brussel sprouts and broccoli, as they contain more of the sulphide compounds that give off that rotten egg smell. Lastly, cut out the coffee and wine, as the acids and tannins stimulate the development of h.pylori bacteria in the gut that causes a lot of the anal acoustics.
If you enjoy the ability to produce a backdoor breeze, then eat more of these foods, but do so at your own risk. Many people may not be as enlightened as you about the benefits of playing a butt trumpet. Maybe that’s what caused “Dubya’s” decline in popularity at the end of his run.